Blissfully Unaware

[an assignment for my descriptive essay class, regarding a sound from our childhood]

Spring was humid and sugar-coated. We drank hot May moisture through our pores and discovered the rebellious side of our sixth grade independence by walking to the park after school without the parental attachment of walkie-talkies. We waded into the river behind the dugout barefoot in spite of them, unconcerned with their cautions of broken glass and slippery moss.

We kicked off last summer’s flip-flops in the damp shade and plucked wide blades of crabgrass as we sat beside the baseball bleachers, bored, but with purpose. We were free, as far as we were concerned, and homework was the last thing on our minds; while we were there, there was nothing to remind us of obligation. Laughter echoed from the playground, poking at the small crowd’s subtle attempt for silence behind home plate, a small bubble of silence that was sliced instantly with the sharp but rounded plink! of the metal bat as it sent a baseball soaring above the cheer of the proud parents who were oogling towards outfield. We watched, but we mostly fished penny candy out of soft brown paper bags from Rambo’s and pried absentmindedly at their remains that were glued to our molars. We invaded the playground and didn’t touch the “lava” as we jumped from wooden platform to wooden platform and chatted in the branches of the cherry blossom tree.

Rambo’s General Store had been in business for over fifty years, yet the penny candy hardly ever sat for more than fifty minutes. Elbows pressed against the counter, we leaned forward while Annette patiently pointed at the glass candy jars in their dusty shelf cove, matching our eager descriptions with the accurate flavors and shapes and colors of the Sour Patch Kids that were always sorted into separate containers. There had always been packaged M&Ms and Skittles at the reach of small fingers, always flashy candies with plastic toys resembling characters of the newest Disney movie like they were the tabloids of the candy counter, but we'd rather watch our pennies weigh out before our eyes. We watched as she slowly pulled out each jar and removed the heavy lids that clunked like glass clogs on marble. The metal scooper rattled against the inside of the jar, chiming sporadically and creating an abstract melody closely resembling the perpetually amateur results of my few xylophone lessons with Mrs. Thompson. The lids were returned to their nests, each graze of glass against glass ringing heavily like bells made out of thick ice.

We didn’t know it was a pastime; we just did it. We walked, we giggled, we basked, and walked some more; we paid with pennies and nickels, hardly paying attention to scores or chores or the setting sun. We were drunk on spring and vitamin D; we were made delusional by the floral breeze and woke up with the sweet anticipation of afternoon singing from tree branches in the form of birdsong. I sat in a dazed existence of eternal present tense with surround-sound summer, knowing nothing of the borderlines of childhood or the word expectation.

"keep your feet on the ground when your head's in the clouds..."

Small voice loud

Thumbalina sat

waiting on her sill,

dreaming of the outside

that she could only view.

Wondering why her,

why must she

be a prisoner of a life of

miniature confinement.

A little spec of joy

in a big, big world of oblivion.

The seasons change

with monstrous, lengthy hours

that contrast the quick breaths

of her frail existence.

All she wanted

was to be free.

To explore;

to linger and observe and see.

All she wanted

was for someone

to hear her small voice loud;

to sweep her off her feet

and make her feel

taller than the mountains.

All she wanted to do

was to spread wings

and fly.

a challenge: from DBT to ABT.

Change The Way You See Everything by Kathryn B. Cramer, Ph.D and Hank Wasiak during our 10-day escapade up the coast of California two summers ago, my family and i made a brief stop in Santa Barbara, mostly to see the beach, stop for dinner and do a bit of wandering downtown. following my father's heels into a used book shop, a common place for him to seek out when we travel, i stumbled across this book. the images and the bold fonts caught my eye first, but when i read further and began to understand its purpose, i felt the urgent need to purchase it and give it a try.

i suppose this counts as a "self-help" book, as it is designed to alter your outlook for the better. it guarantees to change the way you see yourself, others and situations through asset-based thinking, as opposed to deficit-based thinking. "DBT concentrates on personal gaps and weaknesses, what is bothersome and irritating about others, and what is not working or problematic, and holding us back," while through ABT, you "increase your focus on what is right... build[ing] enthusiasm and energy, strengthen[ing] relationships, and mov[ing] people and productivity to the next level." optimism. i like the sound of it.

so now that it's been over two years, i've finally decided to open the book with the intention of following through with the challenge, which i've read takes about three weeks of practice to really get it down. but i'm determined. i wouldn't say i'm a typically negative person, but there are times that i end up criticizing the way i view things. why not make my life a bit more positive? it'll be challenging, but i think i'm up for it.

assetbasedthinking.com

uhhh.. postcard?

so. i received a postcard from my father last week, from his travels to San Fran for work, yet it seemed oddly familiar.. i knew that cliff.

should i take this to be a sign? is this what i'm going to be doing for a living? taking pictures for postcards?

weird.

Postcard with love from Daddy, March 2010.

(Photo by Ken Glaser, Jr. printed 1995.)

Taken by moi with the Canon Rebel, August 13, 2007.

made me laugh.